Rollercoaster
by kaydeeshay
Summary: Rey's emotions are all over the place. (Essentially her thoughts after she and Kylo/Ben separate)


**A/N: A couple of things:**

 **1.) Reylo shippers are the best. They got me into this couple... big time. I fell hard!**

 **2.) First Star Wars fanfic. I am new to the Reylo/Star Wars fandom. I've only seen three of the movies and do not know everything. I'm still learning. If you can find in your heart to do so, please be kind, yet honest. This is probably nothing special - I'm sure there are a million fics out there like it, but hopefully you enjoy,** **anyway!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.**

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With each passing moment her heart is breaking further, though she refuses to show it. Despite having made the right decision, leaving him hurts no less.

She'd been so sure she could help him turn to the light. She had seen it - _felt_ it.

There was no doubt that her emotions were nothing short of a rollercoaster, particularly lately. Try as she might to calm them, they were still spiraling.

Anger. Anger at him for killing his father.

Surprise. Surprise in discovering there was more to the story, Luke's role in all of it, then back to anger because Luke had given up, unable to fully see how the conflict was tormenting his nephew.

Hurt. Hurt in finding out the truth about her parents.

Confusion. Confusion in how she could go from detesting someone one moment to feeling like he was the only person in the entire galaxy who understood her the next.

Happiness. Happiness at finally being understood by _someone._

Hope. Hope that she could help him turn - that he could put his demons behind him and live the life she was discovering he deserved.

Finally, sadness. Sadness that the hope of bringing him back had failed; all expectations had come crumbling down. It killed her to know he was still experiencing so much inner turmoil. Sadness that came with discovering she had such an intense connection with someone, only to be let down... again.

She let out a sigh as Luke's words echoed in her head. _"This is not going to go the way that you think."_ He had been right all along.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes. Refusing to let them fall, she grit her teeth. _I will not let what happened affect me this way. He made his choice. I made mine._

Suddenly, she felt it. The familiar tingle.

 _What the... ?_

She blinked in perplextity, letting out a sharp gasp as Ben's face appeared before her own.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them that appeared to last an eternity. As words failed them both, Rey couldn't help noticing the look of bewilderment on his face matched hers.

He swallows hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, his tone barely above a whisper. "I thought Snoke was the one who bridged the gap between us."

"So did I," she whispered back.

More silence, though it didn't matter. No words were needed; Rey could feel what he was thinking. The anger started to rise in her again. "I'm not coming back."

"I didn't ask you to," he retorted.

"You didn't have to."

His lips formed into a fine line of annoyance, made even more evident by the rise in his tone. "WHY?! Why do you keep holding on?"

"WHY DO YOU?!" The tears she had been trying so desperately to hold back made their way down her cheeks. "You know this isn't who you are. Snoke is gone. It doesn't have to be this way now. You can come back to your family. To the people who care for you."

"You're wrong. Nobody cares for me, and this _is_ who I am now. It's too late."

Her heart shatters as she realizes he means it.

More confusion. She had been so certain he knew that _she_ cared. Yet, the loneliness is creeping up in him again, even more prominent than before.

"That's not true," she whispers.

Unconsciously, she reaches out to him, stroking his cheek. As his eyes lock on hers, she feels an tremendous amount of anxiety mixed with vulnerability that make her uncomfortable, but she refuses to let her gaze leave his. She bites her bottom lip, slowly taking her hand away from his cheek. She licks her lips, trying to find words for what is so hard to convey. "I meant it when I said you're not alone."

With trembling lips, he reaches out to touch her own cheek. The look in his eyes is one of sincerity and longing.

In that moment, she realizes her tendency to forget that he is equally connected to her. It was no easier for him to leave her behind. "Neither are you."

There is an intense desire for his embrace at his reminder. He senses it and reaches out, wrapping her in his arms.

As her arms encircle his waist and she lays her head on his chest, she can feel the hope rising again.

The hope that as long as the Force is still connecting them, she will be able to get through.

 _And so the rollercoaster continues..._

Both of them could feel through each other the uncertainty of their futures, but Rey chose to ignore it. She wanted to hold on to this moment for as long as should could, savoring the feeling of his arms around her. Who knew when it would start plummeting again?

And since there seemed to be no escape from this rollercoaster of emotion, Rey had finally decided to enjoy the ride.

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 **A/N: I know it's short, but that's all there is! Hopefully you enjoyed. Feel free to favorite and review, even if you hated it. I love receiving feedback. Thanks for reading! xoxo**


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